1 Month from Today...

The date is April 19th, 2011. Exactly 1 month from today is our daughter's estimated arrival date. Whoa. I told Dan this last night and he looked like a deer in the headlights.

Dan: "We have to get ready!"
Me: "What do you mean, what do we have left to do?"
Dan: "We have to pack our hospital bag!"
Me: "Are you nervous?"
Dan: "You don't know me!" *stares down at food and refuses to make eye contact*

Haha. It's sweet to know he's excited and nervous just like I am. He's generally so poised that I can never tell what is going through his mind (though when I ask he always swears his mind is blank).

So, in honor of our only being 1 month away from having a baby, I'd like to share a few comments that you should never say to a pregnant stranger and the reasons behind them. Enjoy.

10 Things to avoid saying to a pregnant woman you've just met: 

1. "Wow, you're huge!" "You're about to pop aren't you?!" "Are you having more than one?" "When is your due date? *response* Oh, are you sure about that one?"
            Every woman's body is different. Some women barely look like they're showing when they're a week away from their due date. Other women start showing at 8 weeks! We already FEEL huge, there's really no reason to blatantly point it out to us. I mean, come on! Don't point out the obvious and then expect us to be genuinely nice in our response! (I do have to admit that I haven't made a single snide remark to anyone during my entire pregnancy. Even when given huge bug eyes when I told someone I still had 2 months to go. And she totally deserved it.)

2. "You're so tiny! Are you sure there's a baby in there!" 
            Well, this is one sure way to make a pregnant mom feel like she's not growing the baby properly. Here are some of the thoughts that run through a mom's head when she hears these words: "Have I been taking my prenatals?" "Is this baby going to be very small and have a lot of complications?" "Am I eating right?" "Is she growing at all?" "I need to call my OB right away and make sure that everything is fine!"
            While it might be a compliment to tell someone AFTER they've given birth that they look so small, it's never a compliment to tell a pregnant woman that.

3. "Do you plan to give birth the natural way?" 
            This is a very personal question! You may as well ask me about my financial status or how often my husband and I have sex! You have no idea about the person's past childbirth experiences or anything about their life in general. Not to mention that this question is typically followed by horrible birth stories. Which leads me to number 4.


4. "It hurt so bad! I ripped from end to end! And the recovery was horrible!" 
            First of all, most soon-to-be-moms are nervous about the labor experience. Sharing horror stories is not the best idea. If a friend of yours said that she was horrified of spiders, would you tell her a detailed account of how you were once covered in spiders and bit on every part of your body? Probably not.
            Second of all, just because you had a horrible birth experience doesn't mean that I will!

5. "Are you going to breastfeed?" 
            Again, how personal do you need to get with someone you've just met? I've heard stories of men asking women their plans on breastfeeding and being very taken aback when the women say no.
            Yes, breast milk and breastfeeding have a lot of advantages over formula, but again, you don't know anything about their past experiences, their fears, or their decision making process!

6. "Just you wait!" 
            This is probably the most annoying words one could ever speak to anybody! We hate it when our parents say that to us when we're little, "just you wait until you're an adult and have to make all these hard decisions for yourself! You'll thank me some day!" Why would we like it when we're adults and when it's coming from a stranger?
             Here are some typical situations that get this response:

Pregnant lady: *Yawn*
Random stranger: "Just you wait until that baby is born. You don't even know what it's like to be tired yet."

Seriously? I yawned. Am I not allowed to yawn until I've pushed a baby out? News alert to everyone in the world - unless you are a mother, you are hereby forbidden to yawn. Ever!

Pregnant lady: "I've been so busy lately."
Random stranger: "Just you wait! You'll be so busy once the baby is born you'll wish you could go back to being this lazy."

Again, seriously? Just because I've never had a baby I can't know what busy means? Not to mention, I didn't say I've been the most busy anyone in the world has ever been in their entire lives. I simply stated that I've been keeping busy.

Pregnant lady: *Purchasing a breast pump*
Random stranger: "Oh, honey, just you wait. You'll never even get a chance to use this! That kid will be attached to your boob 24/7."

I don't think that one needs an explanation.


7. "Wow, you sound like you've just ran a marathon!"
              I apologize that my lungs are half the size of what they used to be and that walking even slightly quicker than normal causes me to have to catch my breath. You try carrying around an extra 20 pounds in the front and having something squishing your insides. Sheesh.

8. "You shouldn't be drinking that, it's bad for your baby!" "Oh my goodness, I can't believe you would even dare eat that!" 
             It always amazes me when people think that there is one right solution for everything. (Okay, there are obvious things you should definitely not do while pregnant - like drugs or alcohol or having unprotected sex with strangers, but this is different). Let me just say that the worst thing I've had to eat or drink all pregnancy would be the very occasional root beer or diet coke. But, some women choose to eat and drink a lot more of the things that are on the pregnancy "no-no" list. Coffee, lunch meat, sushi, soft-serve ice cream, etc.
             Regardless, you wouldn't go up to a smoker and say, "You're killing yourself a little bit every single time you inhale." (Well, some people might...)


9. "You're having a boy! I can tell by the way you carry!" 
             Actually, it's a girl. But thank you for your infinite wisdom of my body type and the position in which my baby is laying. :)

10. This isn't a comment but an action: Touching a pregnant woman's belly without her permission. 
             I have been SO fortunate to not have this happen to me. But, if it did, I would be so tempted to reach out and rub their belly, too!
             I have been randomly touched by people I do know without warning and it totally startled me, so I can't even imagine if a stranger did this. Imagine walking down an aisle in the grocery store and feeling a hand on your belly that you know isn't yours. How would you react?

Most of these are totally kosher to say to people you know. But remember that if you make these comments to your friends all the time, they'll probably be just as annoyed as if it were a stranger saying them.

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I hope you've enjoyed my bitter explanations. I'm not speaking for all pregnant women, of course, as many are completely unfazed by any of these things. These are simply my opinions on the subject. :)

Until next time,
Amy