It's been nearly 2 months since Autumn was born and the memory of the moment we met is still very vivid in my mind. I remember barely being able to open my eyes to see her coming out. I remember her first cry, the look on Dan's face, the announcement of her weight. I remember holding her for the first time and remarking on how beautiful she was. I always thought it was gross to kiss a newborn baby since they're so dirty when they come out, but I remember the first kiss I placed on her forehead without any hesitation. All of those moments are so clear.
When I try to remember how contractions felt, my exhaustion, and my severe discomfort in the days following her birth, it's as if they've been drowned out completely. I can remember the events, but not the pain associated with them. Whereas, with all of my "good" memories, I can remember that unique amount of joy so well. Sometimes thinking about it still makes me cry (like right now, lol).
After people had read my birth and recovery stories, I received a lot of comments saying, "I'm never having babies!" This was definitely not the response I was hoping for! I truly wanted my birth story to encourage, not discourage! Since I've reread what I wrote, I can understand why people would respond that way.
I think that most moms (hopefully some, at least!) would agree that reading birth stories after you've had a baby is completely different from reading them before you've had one. In my own experience, reading difficult birth stories when I was pregnant was semi-upsetting. I didn't want to believe that it could be so hard and I certainly didn't want to face up to the reality that it was going to be painful if I wanted to do it without medication. Not to mention that there is a huge fear of childbirth already so rampant in our society. From the time we are little our moms guilt trip us with, "I was in labor for X amount of hours with you, young lady!" Etc. Why are children punished for their parents labor experience? [Note to self: never punish Autumn for what I went through.] It makes labor frightening before we ever even know what labor is! Then there's those awesome TV shows that only show the most dramatic births and every person in world telling you that you're crazy if you don't want to have drugs (including men, who have no idea what they're talking about) and what a horrible experience it is. Man, we really are set up to be horrified of it from such a young age. It's so sad! [Second note to self: Encourage Autumn about the beauty of the birth experience].
Now that Autumn is here and I've been through the whole experience, I look at birth stories in a whole new way. I am encouraged by every woman's strength. I am in awe of their ability to push past pain and exhaustion. And every time I read a new story I am reminded of my own and how much I love my daughter and how I would go through it all again and more just for her.
The other day I got a unique perspective on telling birth stories to women who are pregnant. You might remember my post, what to avoid saying to pregnant strangers. Number 4 basically stated, "never share your birth horror stories." Clearly I've broken that rule. However, even though some of you might think differently, I don't view what I went through as being a "horror story". This unique perspective I was given was this: Moms don't tell their birth stories to frighten women out of having babies or increase a pregnant woman's anxiety. Moms tell their birth stories to say, 'hey, I've been there, done that. I've survived, and I've got a whole new wonderful life to show for it."
And that's what I want to say to you all. I've gone through the roughest few days I have ever had to go through in my life and I can't even remember any of the pain! All I remember is the joy and love, Dan's amazing support and Autumn's sweet face. Nothing compares to what comes after the hard work. I don't think of my birth story as horrifying. I think of it as the most amazing life changing event that brought Dan and I closer than ever and a beautiful new girl into our lives. I wouldn't change any second of it.
So, for all the pregnant women who read this: Remember that each experience is unique, just as each life is unique. I hope that you can look past your fear of the unknown and remember what comes next. I hope you choose to share your own stories of love and empowerment once your little new life has arrived!
For all the non-pregnant women who read this: By the time you are ready to try for a baby, every fear of childbirth will disappear as you look forward to the possibility of creating a new life. But, somewhere around 20 weeks into your pregnancy (it could happen at any time really, or not at all. That's just when it happened for me), you'll probably start to freak out about the reality that somehow or another that baby has to come out of you. Relax, breathe, and remember. Billions of women have been there, done that, and lived to tell their own unique and wonderful story. Get excited about your own!
And for every mom who reads this: You rock. :)
Thus concludes Autumn's birth story.
Until next time,
Amy
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