Fotography Friday (on Saturday): First Impression

My daughter got to meet my dad, her Papa, on Thursday. I think this picture speaks for itself. :)

Until next time,
Amy

Thoughtful Thursday - Part 3 of Autumn's Birth Story: The Recovery

I should start out with a caveat: if you thought the labor and delivery portions of my birth story were honest, this is much more so. It’s also a little bit disgusting. So, if you don’t have the stomach for bodily fluids, I would suggest not reading the rest of this. Otherwise, read on!  

Recovery –

They say that labor and delivery is like running a marathon, and it’s true. What they don’t say is that recovery can be like running 5 more marathons, one right after the other. That’s how it felt for me, at least. 

After she was born and the visitors left and I got that one hour of sleep due to my sudden decrease in blood pressure, they took us up to recovery. I had only slept for 3 hours in the previous 68, so needless to say, I was completely exhausted. I knew that the hospital looked down on babies being in the nursery, but at that point I couldn’t care less what they thought of me. I knew we needed to get at least a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep, so we asked the nurse to take her to the nursery. She was there for about an hour and a half before they brought her back to me so I could feed her. I slept for maybe a half an hour during that time, because the first hour the nurse spent explaining different important things to us about how to care for a baby. Dan and I were so tired that the only thing I remember is how to use the suction bulb. I couldn’t believe they thought it would be a good idea to give us an hour long spiel when we had just been through the hardest few days (thus far) of our lives. 

When they brought Autumn back into the room, I nursed her and was able to get a couple more minutes of sleep before breakfast was brought in and people started coming in and out of the room at pretty regular intervals. I ended up taking an hour long nap sometime later that day, but that was it. Around 1 am, Autumn started cluster feeding. I literally switched her from one breast to the other non-stop for 8 hours. I let Dan sleep that night, so he could at least recover a little bit, since I couldn’t anyway. 

The next day was a little bit better, but I still didn’t sleep much. She was having trouble latching on to the right side, but every time a lactation consultant would visit, she would latch on without any problems whatsoever. I figured there wasn’t really actually a problem with her latch after all, and decided not to worry.

Every time I used the restroom I had to have some assistance. I had to have help sitting down on the toilet, then I needed help getting the spray bottle ready (what I used instead of toilet paper to clean myself), then I needed assistance standing up and putting together everything that went in my underwear. Not only did I have to change to new underwear, but I also had put a giant pad in there (and I mean giant) and then an ice pack pad followed by witch hazel pads. So, it was quite an ordeal. Around 2 pm, we ran out of supplies and called the nurse’s station for help. 3 hours later we still didn’t have any supplies and I needed to go to the restroom. At the same time, Autumn was screaming. I went to the bathroom while Dan called down to the nurse’s station again to get them to bring us what we needed. 10 minutes later I was still sitting on the toilet in a lot of pain, waiting for them to bring it. When I realized I couldn’t sit any longer, I got in the shower and stood in there for another 30 minutes after Dan called a final time for help. When they brought all the stuff in, I was so exhausted I could barely move. I had been holding myself up in the shower with my arms because my legs were so shaky. It took me a couple hours to recover from that, but I was on Percocet so the pain didn’t bother me too much, just the exhaustion. That night I got a couple more hours of sleep and the next day we were discharged. 

When we arrived home, Dan and I felt great. I talked to my mom on skype, nursed Autumn at about 4:30 pm, and then we all laid down together for a nap. 2 hours later his parents brought us an awesome roast for dinner. 

Autumn started crying about an hour before they arrived and I tried to feed her. She wouldn’t latch on, was getting more and more frustrated, and then started crying even harder. Dan offered to hold her while I ate dinner so that we could try to feed her again after I was done. A couple bites into dinner, however, and I started feeling nauseous. I hadn’t had a bowel movement since before the baby was born and I was horrified about how it was going to feel, knowing that I’d nearly torn through the anal sphincter. The fear added to my nausea. I went into the bathroom and tried to sit down on the toilet, but it hurt too much to sit down. It felt like my stitches were ripping apart. So, instead, I stood hovering over the toilet for about half an hour waiting for something to happen. Nothing did, but my nausea kept on. Generally when I feel nauseous I take a hot shower to calm my stomach. So, I got in the shower and I started feeling better, but I still needed to use the bathroom. My legs were shaking and I didn’t think I could stand much longer when Dan came in to see if everything was alright. I told him that I really needed to poop and that I couldn’t stand on my own much longer. He climbed in the shower with me and let me hold on to him for support. (All the while, Dan’s parents were trying to calm our upset baby). It started to feel like stuff was about to come out when I realized I wasn’t going to have time to get out of the shower and over the toilet and I apologized to Dan who was standing there while I went to the bathroom right there in the tub. I was half horrified, though incredibly grateful. The whole time I kept apologizing and Dan just kept reassuring me that it was okay. I was worried how we were going to clean it up and when I mentioned that to him, he just said, “don’t worry about it, I can clean it. It’s okay.” 

When that was over I went back out to see if I could eat some dinner, but I felt nauseous again and I realized I had to go back to the bathroom. This time I was able to get it in the toilet, instead of the tub. Since I had stitches, I wasn’t supposed to use any toilet paper, but I couldn’t reach to clean myself with the spray bottle, so Dan had to do it for me. Let’s just say that didn’t go too smoothly, because I had to lean really far forward… and the spray ended up hitting me in the face. Gross. (We actually laughed hysterically when this happened because it reminded us so much of one of our favorite movies – Death at a Funeral the British version). 

After that, Dan cleaned the entire bathroom with bleach, while I tried to feed the baby. It was around 9 pm at that point and she still screamed every time I tried to even get her close to latching on. I was so exhausted and so frustrated and so upset because I felt like I couldn’t do anything to soothe my daughter. She kept crying for a couple more hours before we asked Dan’s dad to go to the store and get us a breast pump. During those hours, I made 2 more trips to the bathroom, repeated the same crazy debacle, Dan cleaned again, and I felt increasingly weak each time. I started crying whenever we tried to get her to latch on because I knew how hungry she was and I felt useless. Not only was I unable to care for daughter, but I couldn’t even care for myself. Dan, of course, was awesomely sensitive and sweet the entire time ensuring me that everything was okay. Luckily, Dan’s parents were there the entire time to help us with Autumn every time I needed Dan for myself. They were amazing. 

When Dan’s dad got back with the breast pump and everything got sterilized and ready to use, it was around 1 am. Autumn was still screaming. I tried pumping, but literally 1 drop came out of each side. I cried some more out of frustration. All I wanted to do was feed her! Finally I realized that we had formula that had been mailed to us as a promotion, so I had Dan make the formula. By 3:30, when the formula was ready, she hadn’t eaten in 11 hours, had been screaming for nearly 9 hours, and I just prayed it would work and she would eat. Thank goodness, she ate. She went to sleep and 2 hours later she woke up again. Dan got up, got the formula ready, gave me the bottle and I fed her again. 2 hours later, we did the same thing. I was so ridiculously relieved that she ate the formula and seemed satisfied and I was so exhausted that I decided, to hell with breastfeeding! 

I didn’t go back to sleep after the third feeding and by 10am I started feeling more pain where my tear had been. All of the pain killers I’d been given in the hospital had worn off. I was so exhausted from the ordeal the night before that I couldn’t stand up straight. I was literally bent at the hip, walking at a nearly 45 degree angle. I called the pediatrician to consult with her about Autumn’s feeding the day before. We set up an appointment for later in the afternoon. 

My pain kept increasing and it truly felt like my stitches had ripped open. I was in so much pain. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t sit. I couldn’t even lie down. At around noon I passed a blood clot about 3 inches in diameter and totally freaked out. I had Dan call the midwife and we talked about what had happened and I explained to her how much pain I was in and that I thought a stitch had been ripped. She told me that the clot was okay and that it was very unlikely that my stitches had ripped open. She asked if I had pain meds and when I said no she was very surprised. She offered to call in a prescription for Tylenol 3 and I agreed. 

Autumn’s appointment was at 3:30. It took me 10 minutes just to walk from our apartment to the car. Another 5 minutes just to get in the car. I couldn’t just sit down in the seat like I normally do. I had to climb in head first, go partially into the driver’s seat, then slowly lower my butt into the passenger seat. It was so difficult and extremely painful. Dan’s mom came with us to the pediatrician to help us out – and thank goodness she did. When we got to the doctor’s office, Dan tried to help me get out of the car and into the wheel chair the receptionist found for us, but I couldn’t get out of the seat without feeling like I was ripping in two. Dan and his mom went in to see the doctor with Autumn and I stayed in the car and slept. 30 minutes later, the pediatrician came out to the car to talk to me. We were originally thinking of switching doctors because of where they were located, but that changed our minds. I was very grateful that she was willing to do that for me. She reassured me that Autumn was perfectly healthy. She suggested I try breastfeeding again, but I didn’t want to even think about that. 

After the pediatrician visit, we went directly to the hospital because of the pain I was in. Dan literally had to pick me up out of the car. I couldn’t offer any of my own strength at all – I didn’t have any. Luckily he’s been working out! We made it there just before the clinic closed and the midwife was able to check to see if I had ripped any stitches. Although all the stitches were still intact, I did have another tear. Yes, another new tear. She told me she wanted to cauterize it and that it was going to burn but in the long run it would do the most good. I agreed but started crying before she ever even touched me with the silver nitrate. After all the pain of labor, the exhaustion of getting little to no sleep, failing at breastfeeding, and being in pain from the new tear, I couldn’t stomach the thought of anything more. It was over before I knew it, however, and 5 minutes later all the sting from the cauterizing was gone. I was still hurting, but she sent me home with a prescription for lidocaine (a numbing gel) and Tylenol 3. 

Dan drove to the pharmacy, got the pain medication, took me home, fed me some food, and gave me the medication, then promptly had me go to sleep. I slept for just an hour before waking up and eating dinner. I felt amazing. I couldn’t feel any pain because I was numb and because of the Tylenol. Since I wasn’t hurting anymore, I had a much clearer head. Throughout the entire pregnancy I knew I wanted to breastfeed Autumn because of the health benefits for her. Formula was incredibly tempting because of how much difficulty we were having, but I really wanted to try to give breastfeeding another chance, so I did. She latched on that night without any problem. We decided, though, that Dan would feed her formula for the rest of that night and we’d go back to breastfeeding full time the next day so that I could sleep that night and recover. (What an awesome husband I have… seriously). He stayed up with her and fed her, and I got nearly 10 hours of sleep. 

I awoke the next morning feeling like a new person. Recovery was looking up. I had energy and very little pain. It was wonderful. Meredith and Marshall asked if they could come over that afternoon to visit with Autumn and because of how I was feeling, I agreed. By the time they got there though, I had already started feeling nauseous. This was a complete bummer because they brought me my favorite sub – something I’d been craving for 9 months but couldn’t eat since lunch meat was off limits during my pregnancy. I took one bite and knew I wouldn’t be able to eat any more. 

I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I sat in there for 30 minutes waiting to see if I was really nauseous of if I just needed to have a bowel movement. I got in the shower to quell the nausea, but it didn’t really help. Dan came in to check on me once I was out of the shower and I told him I needed something to puke into. He grabbed the trash can and went to go get a new trash bag, but it was too late. I grabbed his arm to pull him back and he held the bucket while I puked. I just shook my head in disbelief afterwards. I went from feeling fantastic to puking in just hours. Why, after all I’d already been through, did that have to happen? For the next 5 hours I had vomiting and diarrhea. Dan’s dad watched Autumn while Dan held the bucket for me because I was too weak to do it myself. When I slept, he sat next to me in a chair reading just in case I needed him. 

I managed to get a decent amount of sleep again that night after everything calmed down and decided I wouldn’t take anymore Tylenol 3 because my mom suggested I might be allergic to the codeine in it. Dan’s dad also suggested not taking it, because he typically has similar reactions to those drugs as well. 

I woke up feeling better and was able to breastfeed Autumn again. She latched on immediately without any problems which was such a huge relief! We’ve been exclusively breastfeeding ever since. 

After my stomach sickness, everything went back to normal and has been that way ever since. 

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Next Thursday will be Part 4 – Looking Back on the experience.  

Until Then,

Amy

Work Week Wednesday - Dresses and Thank Yous

Work Week Wednesday. Ah... what have I been doing this week besides nursing baby Autumn, sleeping, eating, and watching tv? Well, I've at least made some progress on Z's dress finally! Remember D's dress? Here's a reminder for you: 

Now I'm making Z's dress out of the same pattern, but with different fabric. I've only been working on this for... 2 months now. Clearly sewing went on the back burner. Check out the progress so far:

I'm hoping to have this dress finished next week. I know I won't be able to finish it this week or weekend because we'll be having quite a few visitors. Tomorrow my Dad, Lynda, Aunt Gail, Uncle Tim, and cousins Jayci and Kirstin come to town. The day after they leave Dan's grandmother and Uncle Bob arrive. Then Meredith's sister arrives (she's clearly not in town for us... but still another person we know will be here!). The next week my Aunt Sherry is coming to town and possibly my freshman year roommate/friend Jessica will be visiting. A couple weeks after that (I HOPE!) Megan and Shane will be coming to see us. I love visitors!!

On another note... here's a bottle I picked up from Crate and Barrel for $3.95.

I bought it to use as a Thank You note deliverer for my midwife. I remember that during labor she kept saying that she wished she could bottle my attitude because it was so awesome. lol. So, I figured I'd send her her Thank You card inside the bottle. I'm still trying to figure out what else to put in there. Maybe some lifesaver candies... you know... because she was a lifesaver during labor. Okay it's not that creative... but hey, I can't think of everything! When this is finished, I shall post a picture. :)

Check back tomorrow for my 3rd installment in Autumn's birth story - The Recovery.

Until then,
Amy

Talent Search Tuesday - Stuff for kids

 Welcome to the very first Talent Search Tuesday! I am typing this one handed with a nursing baby in the other arm, so I'll keep it short...

Every Tuesday I'll be scouring the blog community for fun or interesting projects and inspirations. I'll post links to the original blog post so you can check it out for yourself and maybe find another blog you like in the process!


Today's focus: Fun DIY kids' activities!

Up first: A little tutorial on how to melt crayons and remold them into fun shapes. This is especially useful for broken crayon pieces. Also fun if you want to make a multi-colored crayon. Kids can help with part of this project, too!

Little Sprinkles of Fun shows you how!

Next on the list: Chalk Spray Paint

This cute idea brings a whole new level of fun to sidewalk drawing! Easy to make and fun for the kids! Read about it at 30 Handmade Days by guest poster from Infarrantly Creative.

And last but not least: A Chore Chart Game!

Great incentive for kids to do their chores. They can even create the game board themselves and you can decide on the prizes together. Check it out at The Polka-Dot Umbrella.

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I hope you all enjoyed the first Talent Search Tuesday and that you found a project you'd like to try or some sort of inspiration. 

Until tomorrow,

Amy

Menu Monday - The best speghetti sauce you'll ever eat

I still haven't finished the recovery section of Autumn's birth story yet, so that will be here on Thursday. Btw... she's 3 weeks old today! :)

Her Squishy Face. I love it so much!

Anyway, onto the menu for this week and a recipe from what we made last week.

The 2 dishes that we will be making this week are:

1. Bratwurst and Sauerkraut
2. Chicken with Mushrooms and Swiss Cheese Casserole (Recipe to be featured next week)

The recipe from last weeks meals: The Best Speghetti Sauce You Will Ever Eat (Not kidding)

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsps olive oil
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 white onion, diced
• 24.5 oz can of crushed tomatoes
• 15 oz can of diced petite tomatoes
• 1/4 bottle of Chianti (red wine) [note: better wines make better sauce]
• Sugar, to taste
• Salt, pepper, oregano, garlic powder, red pepper flakes - all to taste
• Mozzarella cheese for topping

Directions:

1. Saute garlic and onions in the olive oil over medium heat, until onions are tender. 
2. Add both cans of tomatoes, sugar, and seasonings. Taste and adjust as you see fit.
3. Add the wine and turn the heat down to low. Simmer until the sauce has thickened to your liking. [typically we let it simmer for at least an hour. We like the sauce less runny.]
4. Put sauce over cooked noodles, and cover with mozzarella cheese [At least that's my preferred way of eating it!]

Easy recipe, awesome taste. Try it and tell me if you like it! :)

Until tomorrow,
Amy

Part 2 - Labor and Delivery.

Labor
I was scheduled for an induction on May 31^st, since I was going on 42 weeks and generally healthcare providers prefer that the baby is born by then. The reasoning being that the placenta starts to deteriorate and the baby starts losing oxygen. I had it in my head that Autumn would not be arriving until my induction date and tried not to think about going into labor on my own. Although I was afraid that labor would be much harder if I were to be induced, I didn’t want to get my hopes up about things starting naturally. Fortunately, however, we didn’t make it to May 31^st. Contractions started on their own on Thursday night, May 27^th, 2011.

They started as weak menstrual cramps and lasted about 30 seconds each. They were mostly sporadic, every 10 to 30 minutes, and didn’t ever get progressively closer together. They did start getting more intense, but stopped the next morning around 7 am. At around 4 pm, contractions started again. Doctors and Midwives tell you not to be a clock watcher, but I wrote down the time and intensity of every single contraction. They still never got closer together, but, like before, they started getting more and more intense. At midnight, Dan and I decided to go to sleep, just in case that was the night. I woke up at 1 am with a pretty painful contraction. I wrote down the time and intensity and fell back asleep. 10 minutes later I woke up again with another painful contraction and felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. As soon as I got there, my water broke. What a strange feeling! I woke up Dan to let him know and then called the Midwife. She told me to come into the hospital as soon as possible just to make sure that my water had actually ruptured and then if I wanted to I could return home to labor as long as possible and then go back to the hospital. We hadn’t packed our bags yet, so Dan hurried to get that done as I took my last shower before the baby arrived. We thought we would have hours to pack our bags, since I had been expecting to labor at home for as long as possible and didn’t’ think my water would break first. I was getting super excited. Dan was still tired and probably didn’t realize what was happening just yet. He typically doesn’t function well with little sleep. We got in the car around 2:15, stopped by Dan’s parent’s house to print out a couple copies of my birth plan, and headed for the hospital. Dan’s mother insisted that they accompany us to the hospital since his dad is a doctor and in the event that I had the baby in the car, at least we would have had medical assistance. She was very adamant that babies can arrive at any time after the water had broken. We told them to stay put since the baby was surely not going to be coming out that soon (good thing, too!).

We arrived at the hospital at 3 am and headed straight for labor and delivery. They hooked me up to the monitors to check the baby’s heart rate against my contractions and everything looked great. The Midwife eventually came in and made sure that my water had broken. She also checked to see if I was dilated at all – I wasn’t. I was at 0 centimeters with a broken bag of waters and increasingly painful contractions. I came to the realization that we were in for a very long night and I was okay with that.

We were admitted and moved to the labor room at 4:15. Meredith arrived shortly after that. Things were still feeling pretty manageable at that point so we decided to play some Rummy. We got through 2 hands before contractions really started picking up. We went for a walk around the labor floor and contractions went from every 5-10 minutes apart to every 1-3 minutes apart and started getting worse and worse. At first I was breathing and swaying through them, holding on to the wall or Dan. Within half an hour I was moaning and groaning, holding onto to Dan with every ounce of energy while Meredith rubbed my lower back.

Around 8 am, things started going downhill very quickly. I was so exhausted since I had only had 1 hour of sleep in the past 24 hours and had been having contractions for longer than that – albeit they weren’t all painful until that morning, they were still exhausting. I couldn’t stand up because I didn’t have leg strength. I couldn’t lay down because the contractions weren’t manageable in that position, and I couldn’t get in the bathtub because it hurt too bad to sit down (not to mention getting in and out of a tub when 41+ weeks pregnant is seriously impossible). Eventually I settled for standing in the shower while holding on to the railing with all of the strength left in me so I wouldn’t fall over. The shower was very soothing for about an hour, but eventually started to not work for me at all. I went from moaning through contractions to nearly screaming. Contractions at this point were happening much closer together. Most of the time, I would only get a 10-30 second break between them, and they were extremely intense. I thought for sure that I was in transition. I even started feeling like I needed to push. But, when the midwife checked me, I was only 5 cm dilated.

That was when my “breakdown” started. The thought of going through another 10 hours of labor unable to be in any position that would allow me to manage the pain and having horrible contractions without at least a minute break between them was horrifying. Pain management and exhaustion do not bode well together, at all. That was when I started talking to Dan about getting some kind of medicine. I was so exhausted that all I wanted was to sleep. I felt that if I could just have 2 hours to recover that I would be able to go through the rest of labor. Dan remembered that I pressured him a lot before labor to not allow me to get medication and he reminded me of that a few times. But after about 10 minutes of asking for medicine and Dan reminding me that I didn’t want it, I started crying and begging for it. He told me that it was ultimately my decision, but that he felt he needed to remind me of what I had said I wanted before labor began. He wasn’t pressuring me to not get pain relief, but doing exactly what I’d demanded of him in the weeks leading up to this point. Eventually we talked to the Midwife and she told me about an option to have some medicine to help me sleep, but I would still be very aware of the pain. I was so scared of more pain at that moment that I turned that option down and we started talking about the epidural.

Deciding whether or not to get the epidural was a huge decision. I have always been very, very scared of needles. In fact, when I had to get the meningitis shot before attending college, I brought along my teddy bear to hold onto. Yep, at the age of 18, I brought my teddy bear along for moral support when a tiny needle was going to be quickly poked into my arm. So, imagine my anxiety about a giant needle going in between my vertebrae. But, again, more than my fear of needles was my need to prove that I could give birth “naturally”. For years I’ve been convinced that I could complete the task of childbirth without any help whatsoever. I was overwhelmingly egotistical about it. Any time someone mentioned an epidural I would brush it off and swear I could do without it. I felt like I had to prove to myself and everyone I’d discussed my birth plan with, that I could go through the entire process without assistance. Eventually I had to put my pride and fear aside when I decided to receive the epidural.

The anesthesiologist was fantastic. He had the calmest voice and seemed very confident in his work. I wasn’t scared of the needle like I thought I would be since I never even saw it. The first step was getting the area numb. That was the only time I felt any pain from needles. It felt like a bee sting and then I couldn’t feel anything. After that they inserted the needle, followed by the catheter, and then they taped the catheter tube down across my entire back all the way up to my shoulders. The hardest part was sitting still through each contraction with my back arched. I was just waiting and waiting for it to take affect because it hurt so much. 20 minutes after they finished, I was pain free.

This was a wonderful break. Meredith, Dan, and I each got an hour of sleep. We also got to watch the end of Father of the Bride Part 2. When we turned on the movie it was at the part when the family was headed to the hospital for the birth of the Steve Martin’s grandchild. Meredith, Dan, and I were all a little peeved (to say the least) with the outrageous portrayal of childbirth. Not only did she go from her first contraction to being wheeled to the delivery room in five screen minutes, she pushed out a baby in less than that! Not to mention that the child came out looking like a 3 month old! I mean, honestly, the way movies and television portray births are simply ridiculous.

When I first got the epidural I was at 6 centimeters. An hour or so later I was at 7 centimeters, just about to an eight. At 4:30 I noticed that I was having a little more feeling in my abdomen and called the nurse to come check it out. When I leaned forward off of the pillow for her to check the site, we noticed that there was a 4” circle of blood that had collected behind me, right by where my epidural had been placed. Apparently the catheter had slipped half of the way out, which is why I had more sensation. We discussed having to redo the site, but decided against it. I wasn’t in too much pain and it was all localized to my left side anyhow, so it didn’t really bother me. At 6 pm, 5 hours after they last checked my progress, I was still stalled at 7 centimeters. That’s when they decided to start the Pitocin drip. Contractions started becoming more noticeable and painful at that point, but still localized to my left side. After about an hour on Pitocin it began feeling like the baby was digging a screw driver into my left hip bone every time I had a contraction. Around 9:30 I felt a serious urge to start pushing. The Midwife came in, checked my cervix, confirmed I was at 10 centimeters and at 9:40, I started the very long delivery process.

Delivery

At 9:40 the Midwife and nurse got me into the standard, on your back, pushing position and had me try a couple “test” pushes. They were teaching me how to push so that the real pushes would be more effective. I was pumped up and so were Dan and Meredith. Dan had this cute smile on his face, knowing that within a short time (probably thought it would only be about an hour) he would have a daughter. My test pushes were successful and I began pushing harder and longer. They tell you to push exactly like you’re having a bowel movement, so that’s exactly what I did – I pushed like I was passing the biggest bowel movement I’ve ever passed in my life.

The Midwife and nurse were incredibly encouraging. I kept moving the baby a little farther down each time for the first hour or so, but then progress stopped. Even though I was pushing “perfectly”, she just wouldn’t come down any farther. I was so determined to get her out without having a c-section that I started pushing even harder and even longer. Instead of stopping pushing when the contraction was dying out, I would push again. Some of the contractions lasted for over a minute and I pushed for the entire time, taking only a few short breaths to gather strength.

I tried pushing in the standard position, on my knees leaning forward against the bed, on all fours, on my left side, and on my right side. Eventually we realized that the standard position was best for me – even though I swore up and down before labor that I wouldn’t be caught dead in that position when it was time to push!

Before the pushing process began I told the nurse that I wanted to have the baby before midnight, because that would mean our baby would share a birthday with a good friend from high school. When 11:30 rolled around and her head was still in the same place, I knew the chances were slim. Still, I kept pushing, staying positive and determined the entire time.

Around 1:30 the Midwife mentioned that my water had been broken for 24 hours and I had been pushing for nearly 4 hours and because of that she needed to call in a doctor. The doctor came in to talk to me about my options for the rest of the delivery process. He examined how the baby’s head was situated to see if it would still be possible to have a vaginal delivery. Thank goodness he said yes! The problem with her position was that she was completely sideways and didn’t seem like she had any intention of rotating through the pelvic bone and out the birth canal. He was exceedingly calm and reassuring and gave me three options. The first option was to have the vacuum assisted delivery started immediately. The second was to push for another 30 minutes on my own to see if she decided to rotate and then have the vacuum. The third was to go in for the c-section. He explained the risks of the vacuum, which included swelling and bruising and very, very, very rarely, a bleed underneath the bones of the skull. He also said my likelihood of tearing was much greater with the vacuum and I could end up with a fourth degree tear. I knew I couldn’t handle having a c-section because I had sensation in my left side and I would have been able to feel the procedure, which ultimately meant they would have had to put me completely under. After having slept for only 2 hours out of the previous 40, I just couldn’t imagine having to go through that recovery process. And, besides, I wanted to be awake when my daughter was born!

Dan and I sent everyone out of the room to discuss our options and we agreed to push for another 30 minutes unassisted, and then start the vacuum delivery. With every contraction for those next 30 minutes I pushed with every ounce of energy that I had, sleeping in between each one. She didn’t budge. She was still stuck behind my pubic bone and seemed very content with being there.

At 2:10, 3 delivery doctors, the midwife, the labor nurse, about 4 other nurses, and a pediatrician were all in the room when they attached the vacuum to her head and told me to push whenever a contraction started. I pushed through 2 contractions, and even with the help of the vacuum she didn’t move. So, with the next contraction, I made sure that I was pushing with every teeny bit of strength left. Dan had my left foot pulled all the way back and Meredith had my right foot. I curled my chin all the way down to my chest and leaned my torso forward as far as it would go and I tightened my abdominal muscles and pushed without a sound. Everyone around me started getting excited and telling me to keep pushing – she was finally moving downward! I was so relieved. With the next contraction I tried to push even harder and everyone cheered even harder. After 3 more pushes, when I barely had any strength to continue, I heard people shouting that she was going to come out. Dan was by my side saying, “Push, push, push!” and Meredith was on my other side saying, “This is it!!” I kept pushing for 3 seconds longer when I felt a relief of pressure and my head fell backwards out of sheer exhaustion. They told me to look to see my baby come out, but I felt so drugged and tired that I couldn’t focus and my head just swung up, my eyes opened briefly, I saw her giant bloody body, and I fell backwards again.

I didn’t hear her cry until about 5 seconds after she came out – and those were the longest 5 seconds of my life. When they suctioned out her nose and mouth, she let out a powerful scream, and that’s when I started crying. I looked at Dan, with a serious amount of tears pouring out of me, and saw that he was crying, too. I laughed a little and said, “I thought you were going to high-five me, not cry!” He swore the entire pregnancy that he knew he wouldn’t cry when she came out, especially since he’s never cried from being happy before. He stood next to me, holding my hand, looking in my eyes, and we just cried together for a few moments. Finally the Midwife said, “Hey, Dad! Go see your baby!” and he went over to visit her on the exam table and held her hand while they did some tests.

She was perfect. There weren’t any complications, whatsoever. It was truly a miracle. Actually, throughout the entire labor process her heart rate was completely steady. It never dropped drastically during any contractions and she seemed completely unfazed by the pushing and the vacuum. This was such a blessing because if her heart rate had done anything differently, we would not have been able to have a vaginal delivery and I would have had to have an emergency c-section. She did, however, come out sideways! She never rotated at all!

They weighed her and everyone in the room nearly fainted when they announced that she was 10 pounds 5 ounces! I just couldn’t help but laugh. A few weeks before at one of my appointments, a midwife told me she was pretty average size and she’d probably be between 7 and 8 pounds! Ha! Dan even posited that she would be exactly 8 pounds on the dot. He swore by it. When I told Meredith the midwife’s prediction she seemed a little jealous because she had a 10 pounder and a 9.5 pounder herself. I guess all those people who told me I looked like I was having twins were right, since twins typically amount to 10 pounds anyway!

A few minutes after delivery, the doctor that had talked to me about the potential problems with the vacuum came over to inform me that I had nearly had a fourth degree tear. Basically, this meant that I ripped from the vagina all the way down into the anal sphincter, but not all the way through the sphincter. I also had a tear on the other side as well. They put a lot of stitches in me and explained what I needed to do for the next couple of weeks to take care of them. But at that point I was so tired I don’t even remember what was being said.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they brought her over to me and laid her on my chest. She was so beautiful! She kept crying and crying with her awesome lungs and at one point even opened her eyes and looked at me. It all seemed very surreal. I couldn’t believe that the alien moving inside of my stomach was now out and had transformed into the beautiful, perfect, little girl.

It took an hour for them to finish stitching me and up and to get the room clean for visitors. Dan’s parents came to see her first. I cried when I saw them hold her for the first time, because I knew she had two more people in her life that would love her unconditionally. What more can a mom ask for? At one point Autumn even opened her eyes and looked at her grandmother. This made them comment that she seemed more like a 3 month old than a newborn which made us remember Father of the Bride Part 2 and we all started laughing.

My brother Jared came in next. He was so proud and that made me so happy! I was glad he got to hold his niece so close to the time she was born. He seemed so in love with her from the start and, of course, that made me cry, too! How wonderful that she got to come into the world surrounded by so many people that already adore her!

When all the visitors left, the labor nurse came back in and tried to help me to the bathroom. When I stood up I couldn’t keep my eyes open, my blood pressure dropped really low, and I nearly fainted. They laid me down on the bed, pumped me full of fluids, gave me a catheter to empty my bladder, and let me sleep for an hour before taking us up to the recovery room.

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The recovery story is saved for next time.

Until then,

Amy

We take a break from the regular broadcast for...

Autumn's Birth story!

The story will be delivered over the next few days in 4 installments.

Day 1: Introduction and Part 1 - Expectations
Day 2: Part 2 - Labor and Delivery
Day 3: Part 3 - Recovery
Day 4: Part 4 - Looking Back

Enjoy!

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Introduction

My birth story isn’t the typical, “I went into labor at 6 am, started pushing at 10 pm, baby arrived at 11 pm, and everything went according to plan.” It’s a story of egotistical expectations, intense pain and emotion, difficult disappointments, horrible recovery, and a (somewhat) spiritual retrospection. I am not writing this story so that I can remember all the “bad” parts of labor, but so that I can share how I learned from my experience and came to peace with what occurred. I hopefully will not frighten any soon-to-be mothers, since my story is personal and unique. And before you start reading, I want you to know two very important things: 1. I am not angry or disappointed about my labor or recovery and 2. The outcome of this story is that I have a beautiful and healthy daughter that came into this world in her own spectacular way and I wouldn’t change anything about it.

I hope that this story turns out to be one of hope and success, instead of fear and resentment.

Part 1 – My expectations

In preparation for the birth of Autumn, Dan and I took a month long Childbirth class, a breastfeeding class, and a newborn care class. It was my intention from the beginning of pregnancy to have a birth experience free of medication and intervention. I have always been horrified of the epidural needle and the thought of having a caesarian section scared me half to death. More than the fear of needles and surgery, however, was an underlying sense that I could accomplish giving birth without medicine because women have been doing it that way forever. “Natural” childbirth seemed manageable and I wanted that sense of empowerment that came with being able to overcome pain and pushing our child out on my own.  The childbirth class instilled a sense of righteousness in me; something similar to, “I am woman, hear me roar.”

I was so caught up in believing I would have a natural labor that I looked down on people who had birth stories that included an epidural. Actually, as soon as I saw the word “epidural” I would scoff and quit reading. I wouldn’t listen to people who told me that labor is so painful that I would be begging for some sort of pain relief. I thought anyone who had medicine was weak and, honestly, annoying. It seemed like everyone I knew took the “easy” road. But who was I to judge what the “easy” road was for each person, especially since I’d never gone through it before.

When I wrote out my birth plan I made sure to write in there that I wanted to have a med-free birth and I did not want to be offered any kind of pain management whatsoever. I made sure both of my labor partners – Dan and Meredith (my sister-in-law) – knew that I did not want the epidural and if I, in moments of weakness, asked for it, they would be sure to talk me out of it – as harshly as need be.

I thought my labor would last for a maximum of 24 hours, starting out slowly and building up with regularity to a decent intensity, but never being more than I could handle. I imagined being at home for most of the laboring process and arriving at the hospital having only a couple hours left to go before the baby arrived. I didn’t think my water would break until I was in the pushing stage or unless I wasn’t progressing and the midwife decided to break it to help speed up the process. I thought I would have to push for a maximum of an hour – because I’d be such an awesome pusher! – and then the baby would come out without complications. Maybe I would have a first degree tear, but nothing too severe and I probably wouldn’t need stitches. When the baby was crowning, I was going to touch her head and when she came out she was going to be placed immediately on my chest. We would start breastfeeding within the hour and she would be good at it. And after the birth, when we were sent to postpartum care, our new baby would never leave my side. I wouldn’t be tempted to send her to the nursery for a few hours to recover – because I just wouldn’t need it. Remember, “I am woman, hear me roar!”

Needless to say, I had this “perfect” labor planned out in my mind.

Absolutely none of it came true.